When I was quite young, my grandfather gave me a small sign stating an old truism,
“We are too soon old and too late smart.” Now, a grandfather myself, I’m starting to
realize what that means.
For instance, on the weekend, I played Monopoly (the board game where you
buy and sell properties) with my 10-year-old grandson. I was impressed with his
business acumen and strategic side deals he made with me.
Yet, that same day, while we attended ‘Cirque du Soleil’, he shocked me when after II
introduced him to some folks we’d met by his telling them he was “stupid.”
The man kindly told my grandson he had lots of time to learn. But, as a grandfather, I
was naturally concerned about his negative self- image – especially since just
weeks before, he said he was fat and couldn’t run. This, from someone who has
always been immersed in sports. I asked him why?
Pools of sorrow,
waves of joy,
are drifting through my open mind – Across the Universe by The Beatles
The answer seems to be that, ever since his mom and dad separated, he’s felt overwhelmed: getting into trouble at school: acting out aggressively with family and peers; plus, generally giving up… why bother when your a “loser?”
“They hurt you at home and they hit you at school/
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool…” – Working Class Hero by John Lennon
I was once in his small shoes.
As I’ve noted before… at twelve, I could clearly understand my folk’s separation.
In time, however, the split grew between my father’s family and my mother’s –
each defending their own – with me expected to choose a side. Caught in the
middle, struggling for emotional survival, I began to see things as black-and-
white… empathizing with those telling me the other side was to blame.
What responsible adult manipulates children this way? – competitive love: a playing chip!
“But being self-important, this is your way/ You’re willing to let, our lives … slip away. And say with love, flooding your eyes/ It’s our way or yours, love us or die!” – From Our Children’s Lament by F G Parry
Such is the tragedy of misguided loyalty practiced in the name of love. As a boy, I was led to believe that not hating the one meant not loving the other. If this is smart… you’re the problem? Never! For you, I pray the presence of saner heads prevail. You’re not a clown for the amusement of others.
You’ve done nothing to deserve this hell. And, continuing to share your love
doesn’t include taking the blame for having your world turned upside down. Just
like ‘Humpty Dumpty’ somethings can’t be put back together again. The best you
and life can offer is forgiveness… freeing yourself from future resentment.
“Don’t you ever ask them why/ If they told you, you would cry/ So, just look at them and sigh/ and know they love you.” – Teach Your Children by CSN&Y https://youtu.be/EyU0P6iqyw4
So, the truth about love is this: You’ll never have to ask where it is… seeing it in the eyes of those you share it with.