It seems odd still getting a gift after New Year’s day. But, as I unravel my thoughts – circling, there within my mind – I wonder what might be my future in 2022… understanding it’s really a gift to myself.
Not long ago being retired meant “seeing the world” and if you had the money, why not? As my father-in-law advised us, “Go while you still have your health.” And of course he was right: life doesn’t come with any guarantees.
But is traveling worth risking your health, or like millions of others, your life – during these COVID-19 times?
The other consideration is longevity: we tend to get use to waking up every day. Lord only knows, biblically speaking, if our lives will average out to be “threescore and ten” (70 years-old ), or fourscore (80 years-old); or, if all we have remaining is only fourscore and ten minutes. As the old Yiddish proverb states, “We plan, God laughs.”
“Yeah I bought my wife a little diamond ring
Her mom said, “Hun, can’t even see that thing
It’ll be paid off when I’m sixty-five
If I’m lucky enough to still be alive”
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Maybe, I’ll use whatever time I have left to achieve something I’ve never done before. Yet, that suggests excluding my wife from my daily plans. I see no future in that.
So let’s say I do change my ways, but by how much?
To be fair, that would mean me going from 80/20 percent (whereby 80% of my otherwise free time is devoted to me… excluding her almost entirely); to 20/80 percent (whereby I devote the majority of my time freely to us as a couple.) So, I’m the one needing to give up my selfish allotment of time. But, that might not be realistic, on my part. A 50/50 relationship seems more doable.
We’ve got nothing to risk and everything to gain. Not that she would put any pressure to change… such is her love.
In the beginning, I could have afforded the luxury of not thinking about time running out for me: with a career and growing family I had too much on my mind to notice. But, all along, she’s been my rock… even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Yet, with maturity and experience, I can’t pretend I don’t see. Plus, I’ve been guilty sometimes of treating friends as family and family as friends. There’s a difference, would you not agree?
I don’t want to be left wondering, on my deathbed, how I managed to lose such a beautiful human being – while life passed me by. Like the book Rip Van Winkle… I’m awakening with renewed sight. Yes, even a blind man knows when he’s walking in the sun.
So now, I’m returning my major attention to us – where everything started so long ago. Where this ends up, in our pandemic world, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m looking forward to fully rejoicing in our gift of love to each other: my greatest gift!
That’s the way I figure it. – FP